You might be surprised to know that this is a hard weekend for me…even though I’m a mom. For years, I only wanted to be a mom. Actually, before that I wanted to be married, and before that I wanted to have a great career, and before that I wanted to graduate college, and before that… (you get the picture…!) I’m popping in this weekend to encourage you, no matter where you are on your journey, mom or not, graduate, single, grandparent, or young woman dreaming of all that is *hopefully* to come. Still, my heart aches. Why, you might wonder?
You see, I’ve discovered that no matter what God gives me, I always want more! I am currently in the throes of the “threes” with my Big Boy, and the full-on scooting around, into everything phase with my Little Guy (while also managing a busy schedule as a ministry wife, and still searching for homes). Trust me, it is truly delightful some days, but if I’m honest, it’s a near disaster other days! I’m happy to get the dishes done and tuck everyone in with smiles, with a few minutes left for myself and my husband, most days. It is all good and wonderful, but it doesn’t fill my heart fully. And it never will. I had good friends warn me of this, when I longed for the married /family life they had. We married in our thirties and were five years into marriage as well before God gave us a little boy to love. There were lots of tears every Mother’s Day for me, and a miscarriage before P ever arrived. Even when he was finally born, and I breathed a sigh of relief that he was healthy, three months later I was struggling with postpartum depression in a major way. This was not the journey I was hoping for in motherhood!
My littlest guy is sleeping now, and Big Brother and Hubby are running errands (so I will be jetting soon to get a shower while I can!) but my hope is that you will find your worth this weekend in being a daughter of the Lord Most High, more than any other “title” you could have. (If you are not, run to Him to find that eternal joy, please!) Honestly, now the struggle is to be the “perfect” mom/wife/homemaker, so this can still be a hard weekend, as I struggle to know that I am doing a good enough job with all I have been given, and longing to know that I am.
We have a big God, and He will be WITH you this weekend, and in the weeks and months to come, if that is your desire. Even if it isn’t foremost in your heart, He will pursue you in the midst of whatever you are facing, as He most certainly has done for me. As for me, I am grateful for all He has done for me/us, and will be praising Him this weekend…whether I accomplish all I want to at home, or get the breakfast in bed that I think I deserve – haha! He alone can fill your heart friend, and may we all find comfort in that truth this Mother’s Day. You are loved, known, and cherished by your Heavenly Father.
With you in this journey!