Author: ruthannfink

Image by Dimitris Vetsikas from Pixabay

It’s been hard to find words lately. It’s not that I don’t have opinions, because I do, but I haven’t felt the need to say them out loud above the noise that is life right now. A friend recently told me that her political platform is “listening” and I just had to smile inside. I can get on board with that, sister. I look all around, I lay awake at night, and I wonder where life is going. Not just my life, but the world and the church and all of it. You won’t be shocked to know that I’ve had some very discouraging days these past few months – we all have. But perhaps you will be surprised to know that I’m finding Hope in the midst of all the sadness.

You see, I’m no stranger to Despair. He’s an old friend that has tricked me in the past. I used to let him right into my living room, we had tea together, and we traveled a lot of road together. There have been seasons where I wanted Despair to leave, and I just couldn’t kick him out. Other seasons, I have enlisted friends and a host of resources, and together, we kicked him out and cleaned up the room. But now I see him for the Enemy that he is. It’s hard to hope when Despair keeps knocking. He’s tricky, you see. Sometimes he sneaks in the window, or comes in with the mail. He takes any form he can to weasel his way into your life. At first, he looks flashy and inviting, but he always leads to misery and despair in the end. Hope, on the other hand, is slow, hard work.

Hope is my closest friend now. You can’t remain lifeless and keep company with Hope. He doesn’t have unreasonable expectations, but there is certainly work to do. Some of it is interior soul work, and some of it is practical, get-out-and-help-someone work. Some of it is cleaning up my own messes, like stacks of paper that never seems to go away. It’s hard, but Hope stays right there with me and helps me press on. Hope is willing to go anywhere, with anyone who will open the door. Sometimes He invades lives in terribly dark times, and I’m praying that He will do that in the weeks and months to come. Other times, he sits outside and waits to be invited in. Perhaps that will happen as well.

Hope is not found in any political platform, miracle vaccine, new job, healed relationship, or earthly inheritance. It is found in the person and work of Jesus Christ. That is where I am staking all my hope these days, and I’m bringing anyone who will come with me. You are welcome here, friends. Hope is calling your name.

Further encouragement: Podcast with Max Lucado (on his new book, and being willing to hope)

It’s been a brutal year for many of us so far, and if you’re nodding your head right now, I’m guessing it could be any number of things. Perhaps you’re exhausted from weeks and months quarantined at home and you feel like you can’t do another day with masks, small children and up-tine messes to clean up (again). It can feel small and insignificant. Maybe you’ve lost a job and you feel hopeless that another one will open up before your bills catch up with you. Does God see what you need? Does he even care? I’ve asked those questions before. Maybe you’re heartbroken at the state of our country, between financial devastation to the economy, your hope for the future (and your kids’ futures), the reality of racial injustice, and confusion over how to help or respond. Me too.

It’s okay to be sad. Or angry. Or confused. Or all of above. But we don’t have to stay there. Grieve…and get back up. But how?

I’m reminding myself again that I have to put my soul care high on my priority list. Let me remind you as I remind myself that’s it not wrong to rest, regroup, and look up, so that we can find the strength to reach out to a broken and hurting world. So that we can deal with the brokenness in our own hearts and lives. In fact, there’s no other way we can find lasting hope and answers without that. Want some ideas? Perhaps some reminders will encourage you.

Have you shared your hurts with a friend?

Could you find even a few minutes to sit alone with God?

Are you engaging with good friends who love you and care about what is happening?

Are you letting go of the past (when the time is right) and getting back up?

Can you let go of self-pity or a victim mindset and instead rely on the One who gives us power and strength?

Are you turning off your screens so your soul can rest and renew?

What about a good fiction book and a change of scenery?

Can you hire some help at home with kids, cleaning or both?

It sometimes seems more holy to say “pray more,” or “read your Bible” or “go to church.” And of course those things are MOST important as followers of Christ, beloved children of the Most High God. But God knows that we get “stuck” and need some unique reminders of his love in the midst of this hard world. It’s okay to admit if you need some rest and rejuvenation. I’m working on that for me and my family also. Please post in the comments what is helping you to thrive and not just survive! Much love, friends. It’s been said so many places, but we’re in this together. Look in, reach up, and then you can reach out. May the God of peace, hope and joy be yours in abundance today.

 

Welcome again to my little blogging world, that has been silent for several months as I have learned more about little boys, ministry and marriage. 🙂 I’d like to find some words to process this new season that I’m moving into. It’s a funny business getting older. I can’t say I dislike it, because God has been gracious to bless and grow me along every stage, but there are certainly surprises! Getting married in my early thirties and having kids in my mid-late thirties is a little different the “norm.” Do I regret it? Of course not. Has it had challenges? Yes! But with it too has (hopefully) come some wisdom and grace for a season that we may not have had otherwise. What I’d like to do here is share some of the amazing lessons God has taught me in my thirties, kids or not. Because the Story of Grace has similar lessons no matter what our demographic!

Repent, rest, live grateful – I wonder if I will ever move on from this repeated lesson? Most of my last decade was spent on this topic! Isaiah 30:15 has been my battle cry: “This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. (But you would have none of it.)” When I feel confused or disoriented, unsure of my next step, God often brings me back to this theme. It really is a welcome relief to “hear” God speak this to my heart – don’t forget me child; lay it all down; let go of your plans; rest. And then it comes next – repent of your discontent, and focus on gratitude. I’m less likely now to be frustrated, but instead find this to be a warm, safe hug from my Father. It’s a familiar, refreshing place, and I’d bet you will find safety there too. Give it a try?

Lock arms with others – Finding safe people has been a journey for me, and God has been faithful to create community for me wherever we have gone! Looking for “your people” is worth it. And the advice of Anne Marie Miller (while I don’t agree with all her writings) has been spot on here – be willing to go first! When I open up my heart and share vulnerably, inevitably there is someone there who will resonate with my struggle, and appreciate the chance to “go second.” Of course there is much prayer this leads up to these moments, and that continues as every relationship unfolds, but if we always “stay safe” in our relationships, how can anyone grow? Hebrews 10:25: “not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Laugh and lighten up – Wow, thank goodness for kids! Before I was a mom, I was a teacher, and before that I did lots of camp ministry, so I’ve been blessed with lots of hilarious kid moments! But it’s obvious that God has a sense of humor – silly looking animals and plants, quirky people, and our own mistakes to laugh at a grow from. My “men” help lighten up my sometimes melancholy nature, and I am so very grateful! See also Nehemiah 8:10 – the original word for strength here is “refuge” or “stronghold.” Amazing! Not only are joy and laughter enjoyable, the fruit is a place of safety.

Stay in the Word – I am not the student of the Word that others are, but I have resolved to keep at it! Don’t get me wrong, I love love love the Word of God, but I can have a bent towards being a bit of an “emotional reader.” I know this is common for women, but I want to keep growing and using my mind to study, not just my intuition. Thankful for those who are gifted in this area and push me to grow! I can see how over the past decade, the more I have become “grounded” in the word, the more fruit I have seen in my life and I’m confident there is a correlation.  May I commend to you Jennie Allen’s studies? I have done both the Anything book and now I’m working through the Proven study and both have been excellent!! I also love Jen Wilkin to stretch me!

Pray and keep praying – I’m eternally grateful for my rich heritage of prayer warriors! My parents and grandparents have set an amazing example in this regard. I have always been able to ask them for prayer (though my grandparents are gone now) and find it such a comfort to know they are fighting in the heavenly realms for my good and His glory. Paul and I have been through some pretty heavy stuff in our marriage as I have written about elsewhere – but prayer has sustained us – our own and the prayers of others. I’ve always sought out praying friends as well, and this has been such a life-saver! Literally!! There aren’t words enough to thank God for making a way for us to have this intimate communication with Him!

Christ is the way forward – Similar to the theme of repentance and rest is this. Leaning into the service and sacrifice of Christ and applying that to my whole life, every task and relationship – this. changes. everything! I’ve been reading and studying the book of John, and chapter 13 has been soaking into my marrow. Jesus knew what he was called to and he moved into it. He didn’t shrink back but fully surrendered to the will of the Father, even to the point of death. How often have I stepped back to protect myself? Thankfully, Jesus never did this. May my next decade be a testimony of this radical service.

Live loved – This is the fruit. The fruit of so many hard-won lessons. As I have repented, prayed, studied, served, laughed, all of the above – you know what? I’ve come to realize in such a deep way that I am LOVED! God has called me live as the beloved daughter I am, and when I do, not only am I blessed, but many others are as well! The enemy of our souls wants nothing more than to convince us that God is against us – that he is holding out and keeping good things from us. Nothing could be further from the truth! In all the hard and bad and sad, there is ALWAYS a purpose. Trust me, I have been through it. It probably didn’t look exactly like your “hard,” but we could cry together and find common ground, I’m sure. Through all the hardships, when my soul heals and I grow and find my way back to trusting and leaning into God, the fruit is this. I am known and loved. I am protected. I am safe. I CAN trust him. And you can, too.

 

You might be surprised to know that this is a hard weekend for me…even though I’m a mom. For years, I only wanted to be a mom. Actually, before that I wanted to be married, and before that I wanted to have a great career, and before that I wanted to graduate college, and before that… (you get the picture…!) I’m popping in this weekend to encourage you, no matter where you are on your journey, mom or not, graduate, single, grandparent, or young woman dreaming of all that is *hopefully* to come. Still, my heart aches. Why, you might wonder?

You see, I’ve discovered that no matter what God gives me, I always want more! I am currently in the throes of the “threes” with my Big Boy, and the full-on scooting around, into everything phase with my Little Guy (while also managing a busy schedule as a ministry wife, and still searching for homes). Trust me, it is truly delightful some days, but if I’m honest, it’s a near disaster other days! I’m happy to get the dishes done and tuck everyone in with smiles, with a few minutes left for myself and my husband, most days. It is all good and wonderful, but it doesn’t fill my heart fully. And it never will. I had good friends warn me of this, when I longed for the married /family life they had. We married in our thirties and were five years into marriage as well before God gave us a little boy to love. There were lots of tears every Mother’s Day for me, and a miscarriage before P ever arrived. Even when he was finally born, and I breathed a sigh of relief that he was healthy, three months later I was struggling with postpartum depression in a major way. This was not the journey I was hoping for in motherhood!

My littlest guy is sleeping now, and Big Brother and Hubby are running errands (so I will be jetting soon to get a shower while I can!) but my hope is that you will find your worth this weekend in being a daughter of the Lord Most High, more than any other “title” you could have. (If you are not, run to Him to find that eternal joy, please!) Honestly, now the struggle is to be the “perfect” mom/wife/homemaker, so this can still be a hard weekend, as I struggle to know that I am doing a good enough job with all I have been given, and longing to know that I am.

We have a big God, and He will be WITH you this weekend, and in the weeks and months to come, if that is your desire. Even if it isn’t foremost in your heart, He will pursue you in the midst of whatever you are facing, as He most certainly has done for me. As for me, I am grateful for all He has done for me/us, and will be praising Him this weekend…whether I accomplish all I want to at home, or get the breakfast in bed that I think I deserve – haha! He alone can fill your heart friend, and may we all find comfort in that truth this Mother’s Day. You are loved, known, and cherished by your Heavenly Father.

With you in this journey!

 

Yesterday I sat for 15 minutes at the piano…headphones on while my baby cried and my three year old clamored for attention in his room. Eventually I was able to let go of their needs and think about my own for just a small window of time (and they were okay anyway!) This morning I’m thinking about what keeps us from shutting out the noise and coming to God for rest. What is it for you? Maybe a few of my roadblocks will shed some light on what is keeping you from finding what your soul needs…

True busyness – This first one is a key culprit to look at for ALL of us, I’m sure. Our schedules are jam-packed and it can be hard to realistically find much time to care for our very real needs. Whether you’re a mama, single lady, working woman, or tough guy, life shouts at us with all the things we need, need to do, must accomplish, etc. Letting the voice of love permeate our schedules is truly unusual for most. Scheduling some margin into your day is such a beautiful habit….literally putting an appointment on your calendar to be alone, or to be with someone or doing something that brings you deep soul joy.

Pride – Ouch. Are we really that important to keep the world in motion?? I have to remind myself that my little people and close circle – even reaching out further to my community and extended connections – they will be OKAY if I back off on some things. This one can be just. so. hard!! It feels good to be wanted and needed, and it is easy to think it is more “spiritual” to be doing lots of good things… rather than just being with God and your “people.” I have really had to look at my schedule lately and trim some things down. It’s hard! Trust me, I really get it. As a mom of itty bitties, and wife to a pastor, our schedule is far from relaxed. But there’s so much joy in surrendering my priorities to God, and letting him fill my days, rather than jumping in to try and “save the world.”

Shame – Do I even deserve this time to myself? time to be with God? time to simply ENJOY something? This can be a real toughie too, at least for me. When the chores are piling up and others around me have legitimate needs, how can I put some of my needs first (even just occasionally?) A friend has lately been reminding me of the oxygen mask analogy – you know it – the airline stewardess always reminds us to put our mask on first, before we attend to others. Of course the analogy breaks down because we are also called to serve selflessly, but even Jesus got away from others and felt no shame doing so!

Resources – This seems like a legitimate reason to power through life working, trying harder, being “all things to all people.” You may need to work two jobs, you might be strapped for cash and can’t afford some “luxuries,” you may think there’s no way you can truly “afford” to take time for yourself, time to relax a little. But trust me, this is simply not true. Growing up in a family of eight kids, on a farm, I get it. There can be 5,000 things to do to just make life “work.” And now, as a ministry wife, we don’t have a lot of extra. But I still find ways to rejuvenate! We have gotten gift cards for several occasions, which is super fun for treats here and there. We were gifted a piano, and I truly enjoy that! I do yoga videos on YouTube, take walks with my kiddos (using a Black-Friday-deal baby carrier and second hand stroller!) Drinking enough water is a great beauty tool, and that is free! Ten minutes here and there with simple little things is not going to break the bank for anyone.

Boundary issues – I’m slowly reading the book Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, because it’s been around for a long while. The idea, if you’re not familiar with it, is that we have a responsibility for our lives and many times others cross over our boundaries that are God-given. We can also walk all over others. I highly recommend this book if you find that you are often getting into situations that lead to resentment and frustration. Are you doing more than you want to do because you simply “can’t” say no? Is someone loading guilt and shame on you for wanting to take a break? Lots to say on this topic – read the book!!

Lack of self-knowledge – Lately I have realized that in the busyness of being a newborn / toddler mama I have quite literally “forgotten” what brings me joy!! There are things I really loved before Baby A came along, and I have had to dig deep and really think about what will bring rest to my soul. The easy “Sunday school” answer is that we need to read our Bibles and pray more. Shocker – sometimes we need a nap more! My favorite author, Emily Freeman, talks about this concept in her writings on the blog, in her books, and on her podcast. I’ve had to ask God to remind me of how he made me and what things I might start back on now that my baby sleeps a bit more. 😉

These are just some of my own ideas, things that I have to work through in getting back to a good place in my soul, with God and with others. What about you? What is keeping you from rest? I’d love to hear.

The first quarter of this year just flew by!! (Partially because I’ve been growing a baby and that first trimester was just hard!) I’ve loved this link up that blogger Emily Freeman does every quarter to reflect on what she and many others have learned. Though a bit late, I still want to take time to reflect for myself, and maybe you’ll enjoy it too. I’d encourage you to think through it for yourself, even if you don’t make it public. Such a good discipline!

1. The DayOne app is so fabulous for recording gratitude – ever since we got married seven years ago, I’ve made it a priority to record a gratitude list almost daily. This was spurred on by this book, and has brought and sustained so much joy in my life! I used to use a good old-fashioned journal, but this app makes it quick and easy, and it’s fun to add pictures from the day as well. Totally recommend!!
2. Late on this one, but Downton is totally addicting. And I must get the final season (soon!) – a friend loaned us the first five seasons of Downton Abbey and we have thoroughly enjoyed it! It’s rare that hubby and I find shows we both love, but this is definitely one on the short list. The character development and plot line are just amazing (as most of the world already knows, but I’m so happy to have found out too!)
3. Feeding toddlers takes a huge amount of patience – I was not expecting this AT ALL. I suppose I had a bit of pride in this area, having grown up on a farm and surrounded by super-healthy people… somehow I thought eating healthy and loving it would just miraculously be natural for my son. (I hope you’re laughing, because I’m not.) Nothing is more frustrating to me than making a healthy meal and my sweet toddler refusing to eat it! We are making sloooowwww progress in this area, but suffice to say this has been quite the sanctifying experience for me. This blog has given me some good ideas, and I love this kitchen gadget!
4. Creative outlets are super important for me – being sick from pregnancy for four months really limited me to just the basics of life, so I wasn’t able to write much or make time for any “extras”. It’s been so nice to get back to some of the creative things I enjoy, and I really hope I can keep that up once baby two comes. I feel so rejuvenated after spending even 15 minutes writing, playing piano/guitar, or coloring. Really anything that involves beauty or creativity gives me a boost.
5. Living frugally can be a fun adventure – though our church is very generous, living on a pastor’s salary requires some creativity and effort! (We are so happy to be where we are, and don’t feel it’s a sacrifice as some might see it.) But I’ve found that second hand shopping, groceries at Aldi, and thrifting online can not only be fun, but can also help me grow in contentment. I’m looking forward to reading this book that’s been on my list for a while!

What about you? What did you learn this Spring?

 

Did Winter get the best of you? No thanks to Phil the groundhog, it seemed this Winter would never end! We may have finally shaken the cold weather, but I want to offer some suggestions for warmth and refreshing in your soul – regardless of what the weather does. Here are some reflections from my Winter hibernation as well as some forward moving ideas for Spring in your soul.

• Assess where you are, body + mind + soul – We all have some pretty atrocious closets to clean out and cobwebs to dust, but when clutter starts building up in your soul, every aspect of your life is affected. Start by taking inventory. How do you feel? Are you sleeping and eating well? Moving your body? What do your relationships look like, as far as you can control? Where are you with God?
• Start with one goal – and follow through – There’s nothing more discouraging than getting to April and realizing your January goals are buried in a pile and needing some attention. I like to start with ONE area, and ONE goal – and follow through on just that one thing. A goal of mine that needs a little attention is gentle exercise. Yoga is always my favorite way to move so I’m heading back to class and also spending a few minutes in the morning or evening to refresh. This post inspired me lately in remembering that even one pose a day is better than nothing!
• Try something new – I’ve been stuck in my reading and haven’t enjoyed the study plans I’ve been using, but it’s taken me a while to try something new. So I pulled an old Bible off my shelf – the Daily Chronological Bible and I’m getting back on track there. You can switch it up too! Maybe it’s time to change your routine in some way, and breathe new life into this season. In the kitchen, I’ve been using this weekly meal service to keep my meals fresh, and it’s been a lot of fun.
• Make it beautiful – there’s nothing like beauty to refresh you inside and out, and it doesn’t have to be big. In fact, making your daily environment or beauty routine refreshed for Spring is better done small and intentionally. Think through one area that could use some life – your wardrobe, your kitchen towels, maybe a new candle for the bathroom? Try pulling out a bright scarf instead of the winter grays and blacks! Get some fresh linens on clearance or put citrus oils in your diffuser to brighten up your everyday.
• Give yourself grace – This one has to be mentioned, and though I talk about it a lot here, it bears mentioning again. Oftentimes for me, I don’t realize how much I am neglecting my soul or demanding perfection of myself until emotional dashboard lights start going off. Dial things back even as you move ahead, by creating more white space on your calendar, making an easy meal, or saying no to something. One small step to give yourself grace could make things so much smoother elsewhere – I know from experience! (PS – thanks for giving ME grace as I’ve been growing a new baby – coming August of this year :-))