Finding Hope Through Perimenopause and Motherhood

There’s a sweet joy as a new mother – everything is fresh and exciting, each milestone is a moment of wonder as your children grow and change so quickly. I found the same to be true. So too, starting each new endeavor with our children – thinking about schooling, making friends, and developing skills together. But when hormones start to change as a mom, nursing and baby life is over, and life settles into a routine, it can be hard. I am an older mom, not having my boys until I was in my later 30s. So it could be that this doesn’t set in for you, for many years! If so, I’m happy for you. But somewhere in the late 30s-early 50s, most women start to see some shifts in their mind, body and soul. Where can we find the hope we need to press on when our moods shift, nights of insomnia start to add up, hot flashes make us uncomfortable, and our clothes don’t fit the way they used to? I want to share what has helped me over the past few years as I have wrestled with these mid-life changes, and perhaps it will be a blessing to some other women out there as well.

I want to start out by saying that the faithfulness of God throughout the last few years as I’ve journeyed through perimenopause has been immense. With each new symptom, possible solution, or confusing step to take, God has led and guided me with His strong and gentle hand. He will do the same for you, dear sister! Lean into Him, and trust that even when you don’t know what will help, He does. He is even now making the way for you to live into greater joy, fullness and fruitfulness. Even if your journey is bumpy, His word tells us in 1 Peter 5:10, “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

No matter where you are in your perimenopause journey, the best advice I can give is to educate yourself, but be wise in where you go for help. Instagram influencers don’t necessarily have your best interest in mind. Try a podcast like Hormone Healing RD to get some good base knowledge of how your body is changing. Look for a wellness professional in your area who can guide you through this time and give you some ideas about targeted supplements and lifestyle changes that might help. Talk to older women in your life who you trust and who you feel have aged well. Little by little, you will start to see themes pop up, if you are surrendering all this to God in prayer. Talk to another friend who is going through this same season, and try to support and pray for each other, sharing ideas and resources. Pray with your husband and lean on him, too. Realize that your journey is probably going to be different from those you talk to and learn from, and that’s okay. It’s a walk of faith each day as we continue on this journey, whether it be mind, body or soul needs.

All that said, I would like to share some of what has helped me, in hopes that it would be a blessing to you. I am not a medical or wellness professional, just one woman sharing her journey. There are some supplements that have helped me, and one of them is Vitex. Here is one article that explains what is happening in your body when you take Vitex. It is a very safe herb, and is useful even in younger years for regulating your cycles. This is the one I use. Another supplement that I highly recommend is using a progesterone cream. I started with this brand but now use this one. Ona’s is much more concentrated but I started with the NOW brand to see if it would help. I realized I needed more progesterone, and the Ona’s is cleaner too. I do feel the additional cost is worth it! Let me back up and say that I did do some hormonal testing, but I don’t know that it would have changed any treatments that I have chosen to do. I think if you understand the test, and have some levels that are really far off, it could be helpful. I did not understand the balance between progesterone and estrogen very well when I got mine done. (level of estrogen needs to be balanced with progesterone) Something to read up on! If I had to go back, I might start with hair testing instead. These two things, the Vitex and the progesterone cream, have made a huge difference with many of the symptoms I was having previously. Praise God!

Just as important as anything you can take is what you are doing in your lifestyle. How are you eating? Are you getting to bed at a reasonable time? What is your stress level like? How much movement are you getting? I have really enjoyed my LindyWell membership this past year and recommend it to a lot of women. I’m hoping to start working with a nutritionist, but in the meantime have been cutting down on sugar and carbs as much as possible. I don’t believe restrictive diets are good for women (or anyone) especially in mid-life. As I have learned along this journey, a nourishing breakfast, and a healthy protein-rich snack in between meals, is important to keep the metabolism stable. I’m also working on hydrating myself better, and trying to avoid sweet drinks. It’s crazy how sugar can sneak in, through packaged snacks and drinks! None of this is rocket science, but it can be easy to put our needs as mom aside, to care for those around us, and this habit will catch up with you in time. I’ve also dabbled some in the THM meal plan, and hope to do more of that. It has helped me lose a few pounds this year in a moderate and sustainable way, so that’s been encouraging!

Caring for your soul in this process is perhaps the most important. My morning rhythm has had to change some, especially when I haven’t slept as well, but this journal has been a staple for most of the past year, as well as this community of friends. It’s so important to have sisters to walk through life with, and if you don’t have a supportive community of women, start praying that God would provide this, and look to see what your church provides for women. If you need to, start with by having a couple friends over 1-2 times a month and build your own group! Women are searching for friendships at all stages of life, and who knows, someone could need a friend as much as you might. This fall, my husband and I are going to start working through the Bible as a couple using this guide. It’s been on our hearts for a while, so I’m glad we are finally jumping in. I’m doing a two year Bible plan through the Dwell Bible app, but my husband faithfully reads through the entire Bible in one year, and has done this since seminary years. I’m so thankful for his wise leadership in this area and can’t wait to learn more together as a couple. We will also be starting with a local Classical Conversations group, and I’m excited for the ways our family will grow as a result of this.

What about you? Share in the comments about the steps you want to take for the remainder of this year to grow and be present in your own health and wellness. It’s all for the glory of God, so that we can serve Him better in our homes and communities! We need strong and healthy women to make a change in this world. Go out and be a light today!

Abide with Me – a call to rest

Time has marched on, and I find myself here again, with a few quiet moments to reflect. It’s amazing how fast time flies. It’s a very full time of year, as the calendar turns to September, and school schedules and fall activities kick into gear. Yet, I find myself with a relatively quiet schedule ahead. It is much needed. I’ve prayed for this season and sensed it would come in time. Many of us have seen major shifts in our lives in the post-COVID years, and I am no different. It’s taken a toll on all of us, probably for you as well. Yet, I am surprised and discouraged to see that most everywhere, life keeps buzzing on at full speed.

I’ll share a quick example. Lately, I’ve been really focusing on listening better and asking questions to our boys when conflict arises at home. One of us pulls them into our lap (this won’t last forever, so we are trying to enjoy it while we can!), and asks, “What’s going on? What are you feeling right now? Can you tell me what just happened?” As they speak with often tear-stained faces, I sense the love of the Father who does the same for me. So, let me speak tenderly here in this space, hopefully with the love of the Father coming from my words. I don’t know that I’m an authority on this topic in any way, but I have learned some things the hard way. I have pushed myself too hard and faced difficult consequences. But I am still learning, still trying to lean into my Father and learn from Him and wiser men and women who have gone before us.

Can I whisper into the crazy-busy schedules I see around me, “What’s going on?” I hear how families rarely have dinner together, how we are running from one activity to the next, how we don’t have time for basic self-care needs like sleep and exercise to be met. I can only assess what is going on in my own heart when my life starts spinning out of control, because I have certainly been there. I won’t make quick judgements from the other side of a screen. This season of rest has seemed almost mandatory for me, however. I have faced some health issues in the last couple of years off and on, and though not critical, they have made normal life quite difficult at times. But do we have to wait until that is the case in our lives before we slow down?

I’d like to offer a simple challenge and encouragement here, as the school year begins, to carve out some time with the Lord and a trusted friend or spouse, to ask some hard questions. Why are we all so busy? Is all we are doing really necessary? Is there really no way to find some margin on our calendars? Walk with Jesus a while through the New Testament and see how he ordered his life. He had regular seasons of both full days and quiet times away. And He always held situations up to His Father for approval. I have to ask myself, “am I doing that?” It can be so hard as a busy homeschooling mom and pastor’s wife to find 20 minutes of quiet in the day to be alone with God. I still do fight for that time, and some days it is longer or shorter, but I’m finding moments as I go through the day to be just as profitable for my soul. The truth is, Our Daddy will find us if we are seeking Him, no matter the time of day, no matter how long or short we have to call out to Him.

I want to leave you with a permission slip to rest. Remember (for those of us who attended a brick-and-mortar school) those coveted “hall passes?” It can be hard to pull away from activities that seem expected, what may feel like an obligation, or even good things that would be hard to let go of. Very few of us can step away completely from things that weigh down our schedules, things that perhaps we can’t let go of. We all still have meals to prepare, dishes and laundry to do. But I suspect that somewhere on your calendar, there is a place your Father could be highlighting in this next season, a place that could be His. It could be a new creative endeavor that would feed your soul, starting a regular date night or night with friends, a new prayer habit, or simply time to go on a daily walk. The Lord calls us all to abide in Him, to lay aside the cares of the world as we are able, and draw near. Praying we all can take some small steps in that direction for our own good, for the sake of our families, but most of all because we serve a gracious Father who died so that we could be free.

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me… These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15: 4, 11